Nineteen years ago, at the age of 19, I said “yes” to a life of following Jesus. At the age of thirty-nine now, looking back I know the journey hasn’t been easy, but I don’t know where I would be today if I didn’t have my faith.

Those first few years as a dedicated Christian were quite formative. Early on, I viewed the Bible as a book of rules and found myself dealing with a lot of discouragement, often feeling like I wasn’t as far along as I should be. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I wanted some answers so I decided to talk to my youth pastor. He and I met to go grab a coke together a few days later. (Starbucks wasn’t really a thing back then.) I don’t remember every detail of the conversation that day but his response to me after I finished venting changed my life. “Heath, your relationship with Jesus is not about the destination; it’s all about the journey.” Suddenly, I felt this validation and pressure to be perfect lifted off my shoulders. It’s like my eyes were opened. I realized we will never ‘arrive’ and can’t achieve some kind of perfect Christianity. When it comes to our walk with Jesus, we have to quit looking for the finish line and just enjoy the run.

I have the spiritual gift of binge-watching tv series. My favorite shows are suspenseful or the intense psychological thrillers. When I’m really into a show or movie, I am fully engaged anytime it’s on. Sometimes I don’t even blink because I don’t want to miss anything… the plot twists, the shocking moments, the drama. Can you feel me gasping for air? I don’t want anyone to tell me what’s going on or how it ends, because I want to find out for myself. And if you’ve ever had this happen, you’ll understand… Spoilers are the worst! If someone spoils it for me or I figure out the ending, I am so disappointed.

Spoilers have actually taught me to appreciate the beauty that lies within a mystery and the excitement within a journey. That’s how I began to view my relationship with God. Every day I want to experience something new, and discover the plot twists and turns of life. I want to live my life in awe of who God is. If we spend all of our time trying to be perfect, we miss out on the excitement of discovering God.

I am naturally driven by achievement so sometimes I still battle the ‘arrival’ mentality. I have learned along the way that there are no trophies or first-place medals in the kingdom of heaven, because none of us will be perfect. But the greatest lesson I’ve learned is that it is okay, Jesus never expected us to be! I still have to remind myself daily to just enjoy the ride of life and the journey of Faith. Something that has helped me along the way is saying these words: “Jesus, today I need you and I want more of you.” Don’t spend your days seeking an outcome of getting it all right, but instead spend your days seeking more of Jesus.